You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
