omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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