so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
