is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
