just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
