i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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