You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
