Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
