The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
