it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just googled if crying burns calories
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
