The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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