Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
