Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
