How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it's like iHOP with fire
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
