I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
