it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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