I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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