Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
