omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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