He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
