That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
this just has baby written all over it
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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