youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
