his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
