In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
