So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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