His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
