He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
