If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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