I think scott just propositioned me for sex
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
