White coat. Heels.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
