I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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