I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
