I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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