I'm going to jail i love you
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
