You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
