Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
