Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
false alarm. still invincible.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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