he wants to bone in the snuggie
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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