piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
