my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
