i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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