I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
