Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
