I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
