really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
