wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sext me about skeletons
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
