I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Boobs are out for the taking
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
