Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
