I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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