I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
