She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
