she was so not down for the gang bang
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
