it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
