she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
