Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
